Accenture Dump Tiger Woods

More hilarity in the world of sport sponsorship as Accenture dump Tiger Woods on the grounds they "determined that he is no longer the right representative for its advertising".

Having worked with Accenture on a couple of projects, and kept in touch with people who still work with them, it's clear to me that Woods may not be the right representative for their advertising, but he is the PERFECT representative for their business practices.

Like Tiger, Accenture are consummate shafters. Unlike Tiger, they still manage to turn a profit from it.

Don't take my word for it, ask the UK Government or British Gas.

Berlusconi Battered

Not a good week for high profile philanderers!

Just seen the footage on BBC and Sky News of Silvio Berlusconi being attacked at a rally in Milan.

Obviously it's not right that a pensioner should be assaulted - quite badly judging by the state of his face - but when I heard the assailant was alleged to be a 42 year-old man, I couldn't help wondering if it was the dad of one of Berlusconi's mistresses.

The Curse Of The Gillette Champion

What next!?

Is this a lineup of sporting greats, or a wanted poster for the paparazzi?

First, Thierry Henry gets caught blatantly cheating to send France to the World Cup finals in South Africa.

Then, Tiger Woods obtusely confesses to not so blatantly cheating in a different context.

Now all that remains is for Roger Federer to be caught up to some unlikely mischief and the triumvirate of doom will be complete.

To be fair, I have a degree of sympathy for both men. Henry did something off-the-cuff that has had huge repercussions. It happens. If the ref had been more observant there would have been virtually no comeback.

Woods case is more complex. I can only imagine what it must feel like to be THAT good at such a huge sport; to be THAT rich; THAT universally popular.

If he suffers from some sort of God Syndrome we could hardly be surprised. Throw in a few lengthy injury layoffs where an element of boredom and frustration is bound to set in, and it's maybe not so surprising that he looked for thrills elsewhere.

I'd imagine both might be phoning David Beckham for words of wisdom, as he has managed to recover from both on and off-the-park transgressions in the past, with his image seemingly intact.

All that said, I'll be deeply disappointed if at least one tabloid doesn't run some sort of variation on 'Lies Of The Tiger', as a headline this week. It's an open goal you wouldn't need to be Thierry Henry to score.

Is This Really Genuine?

Never mind 'eating a horse', this guy looks like he could swallow it whole!

Tiger Woods

Hands up who thinks Tiger Woods was rescued by his wife with a golf-club; or was he rescued *from* his wife with a golf club?

Can I get odds on Betfair?

And yes I did tag this as "current affairs".

Pimp Cancels Rabbi's Drug Fuelled Orgy

Straight from the Department of You Couldn't Make It Up. This truly puts the occasional lunacy you'll see at the poker table into perspective!

In other news, megacorp can GFT, albeit I didn't present the news to them in exactly that format. I may need work in the New Year.

Belle de Jour Outs Herself

I did have a little laugh today at the news that notorious London prostiblogger Belle de Jour has outed herself to a national newspaper.

I've not been an avid follower of the blog, but the first book is very well written and highly entertaining.

One of the gems in the article is that after struggling for cash and deciding to become an escort to make ends meet, she did actually manage to get a job as a computer programmer, but 'kept up with my other work because it was so much more enjoyable.'

I have to say, I can't blame her one bit. Indeed in her situation I'd recommend her career path over computer programming for sure.

Alas my, ahem, physical attributes, and personal circumstances, mean that's not really an option for me at present.

Hardly Duelling Scars!

I did some work in Exeter a few years back. Lovely place to work, especially during the summer when the balmy nights, and influx of foreign language students, made hanging around the bars and parks a very cosmopolitan experience.

Alas it seems their more run-of-the-mill winter students are not quite of the same calibre. This has to be the lamest student prank ever.

Maimed for life with a 'heated coat hanger'. Presumably the cheapo ones beloved of dry cleaners. Not something you'd really care to boast about to the grandchildren.

A Letter To Boycott Scotland

Dear Mr/Ms Boycott Scotland

After hearing of your site through various news sources, I found myself reading it today with a mix of sadness and confusion.

I've always been a fan of the USA and have enjoyed several visits to your country. I enjoy many aspects of your culture, and I admire the 'can do' attitude many Americans have.

Links between our countries run deep. Right back to the very formation of your nation. I remember learning about John Paul Jones, and being fascinated and proud that a Scot should be credited as the father of the world's most powerful navy.

It seems you now wish to sever these ties. Indeed you would revert to the opposite end of the spectrum with a declaration of some sort of trade war against the United Kingdom in general, and Scotland in particular - and all over the release of one dying man.

A sad and strange decision, but one you are entitled to make. For that is what democracy and freedom is about.

Of course, following this decision through to it's logical conclusion - as you surely must - there are several other steps you will now wish to take.

You can write to the UK Prime Minister and Defence Secretary to tell them the USA no longer needs the support of the 9,000 UK troops currently fighting in Afghanistan.

You can write to the commanders of the two Scottish battalions currently training for their next deployment in Afghanistan - over 1000 Scots - to tell them their services are no longer required.

You can write to the friends and families of the 179 British personnel who died in Iraq to tell them why their sacrifice counts less than the release of one dying man.

You can write to the friends and families of the 206 British personnel who have died so far in Afghanistan to tell them why their sacrifice counts less than the release of one dying man.

You can visit Scotland and the wider UK, and seek out the troops who have suffered horrific injuries. Legs and arms blown off, terrible burns, and other traumas, to tell them why their sacrifice counts less than the release of one dying man.

Once you have done all that, feel free to resume your boycott of haggis, kilts, whisky, and travel to Scotland or the UK.

It won't put me off visiting the USA or my American friends. Indeed plans for my next trip are already underway.

I've stood on the edge of the Hoover Dam and wondered at the ingenuity and endeavour that produced it. I've ascended the Empire State Building and marvelled at the cityscape. I've travelled down the Pacific highways and across the Golden Gate; basked in the hospitality of cosmopolitan San Francisco; played poker in Las Vegas; been below deck on the USS Constitution in Boston; watched The Cubbies win at Wrigley Field, and still I'll come back for more.

Because friends, and allies, see the bigger picture. They respect the differences in the cultures and legal systems of their comrades, and work with them in partnership for the greater common good.

Friends may often disagree, but they often agree to differ. That is a lesson you may wish to reflect upon.

Best wishes.

Div.

Shannon Matthews Revisited

When Shannon Matthews was rescued by the police, I had a right go at her mother, Karen Matthews.

Unwittingly I was surprisingly close to the truth when I joked about Karen fancying her chances as an entrepreneur.

It now transpires she was part of a kidnap plot to claim the reward money.

Even more shockingly the police have proved she was feeding Shannon - and probably the rest of her brood - a cocktail of prescription drugs for at least 20 months.

Temazepam, amitriptyline, tramadol and dihydrocodeine - with the dosages peaking during school holiday period.

In my earlier post I wrote, 'How she managed to get time for a social life once she'd got to four or five kids, while still in her twenties, is a puzzle to me.'

Well, I'll puzzle no more. But I won't be taking any of her parenting tips to heart.

It's quite clear the kids were viewed as an inconvenience. A nuisance. But they were a very reliable revenue stream. Worth keeping around!

Karen was making £400 a week in benefits. That's £20,800 a year.

Or, to put it another way, the after tax earnings of someone on around £28,000 per year - and that's before taking into account the various discounts or freebies benefit claimants can qualify for.

What a farce of a system. What a horrible woman.

This has been a particularly harrowing period for child related stories. I'd like to think the powers-that-be will be energised by these events and do something positive, but I'm not holding my breath.

Who Killed Baby P?

They did.

Suck that up Google, Yahoo, MSN, et al.

I can't recall ever being as utterly disgusted and outraged by a case as this one.

Not just for the horrific brutality inflicted on a defenceless child over an extended period of time, but for the shameless self-serving arse covering of Haringey Council.

Sharon Shoesmith, Clive Preece and co. can rot in Hell along with the bastards who did this.

There are very personal reasons that make me feel even more strongly than I might otherwise do about this case, but writing about them would be too difficult right now.

I feel like a volcano ready to explode. I hope there are lots of occupants of maximum-security prisons around England feeling exactly the same way.

Lewis Hamilton

I'm not a huge fan of Formula One but this afternoon's events were just mind blowing.

The drama, spectacle, and last ditch victory from the jaws of defeat ending, was the stuff of sporting legend.

The sight of the Ferrari team celebrating, only to slump in disbelief as Hamilton caught Timo Glock on the last bend, took me back many years to another event I had an interest in, but no emotional attachment to, which has lived long in sporting folklore.

On that day, Michael Thomas was the hero putting the local favourites to the sword in the dying seconds.

Donald Findlay

I don't usually bet on anything other than cards or the odd sporting event, but I wouldn't mind having a few quid on Donald Findlay being involved when this case gets to court.