Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Bad Beat Bonus Brutality

So the Party Poker Bad Beat Bonus is over $400,000 and rising. We all know what that means. Hordes of frenzied fish!!!

Only one problem. I seem to have mislaid my net! I can't catch a thing, and I'm spending plenty on bait. Really, it's so bad if I didn't laugh I would cry. My luck has to change soon.

The humour isn't just in the cards; some of the chat is beyond satire.

One fishy character with a VPIP of 41% was berating another for his loose play. Amazingly, he was actually justified - relatively speaking. The target of his ire was running at a truly oceanic 63% VPIP. Even that doesn't compare with my record sighting to date - a gargantuan 84% More a whale than a fish!

It's so bad, I've almost given up note taking, for fear of wearing out the M O R N keys. Though I did take note of one maniac who tried a bluff raise on the river - in a 2/4 limit game with a juicy pot.

Could I take a cent off these creatures of the deep? Not a chance!

If I had more free time, I'd be online until the bonus is hit. The law of averages says there is gold in them there tables. You just gotta keep digging for long enough. Poker, Pique, and Parenthood - where metaphors collide.

I'd been plotting a new feature for the blog, for which the first couple of entries were already prepared. So, let me introduce item 1 in a recurring (until I run out of ideas or the copyright lawyers catch up with me) feature.

Music To Play Poker By - Part 1

The Who - Won't Get Fooled Again

I could have gone for something more appropriate to my current online rut. Boys Don't Cry by The Cure perhaps, or some nice uplifting Radiohead, but I decided to stick with this.

Why? Well, for starters it fits in with my Modish musical tastes. It's also got a deliciously evocative title for a poker tune.

The primordial wail Roger Daltrey emits is broadly comparable to some of the roars of rage and anguish I've been emitting recently. It's one of the benefits of online poker that you can tell your opponent exactly what you think of his play, without him ever knowing. Similar behaviour in a B&M establishment might lead to a punch on the nose. Though if I came face-to-face with some of the morons I've lost to recently, I'd want them to start something. Boy do they need some sense knocked into them.

When my cowboys have just been taken down by some idiot who cold calls two bets with any ace and chases it all the way to the river, I feel much better after expressing myself, usually with something along the lines 'youfeckingmoronyouhaven'tgotafeckingcluenowonderbushgotreelected

The second the words have left my mouth, I feel liberated and ready for the next hand. Face-to-face, all I can do is sigh and mournfully shake my head. A model of decorum am I.

There's also the chance to get out of your seat and air guitar those trademarked Pete Townsend windmills, without fear of witness. Unless, that is, you play poker with a webcam on. In which case, you probably want to be watched you sicko! Online poker is a pretty unhealthy pastime, so a bit of air guitar aerobics should get the blood pumping. More soon.

Away from the PC, I'm aiming to head along to a B&M establishment for some Hold Em tournament action tomorrow. It's a very low buy in, so should be some light hearted fun. We shall see. Casino poker on a school night - depravity here I come!

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